Yshai's new book, Staying Connected With Your Teen, is out now!
A well meaning parent I once worked with tried to motivate her 15 year-old to improve his grades with an incentive system based on screen time. In this system, all A’s would result in unlimited screen time, A’s and B’s would lead to some restrictions, C’s more restrictions, etc. That seems perfectly reasonable on the…
“When you press the pause button on a machine, it stops. But when you press the pause button on human beings they start…You start to reflect, you start to rethink your assumptions, you start to reimagine what is possible and, most importantly, you start to reconnect with your most deeply held beliefs. But what matters…
Anxiety is a part of every individual and family. It only becomes a problem when it takes over and runs the show. As a parent, this might look like checking grades every day and micromanaging school work. As a kid, this might look like hanging out at home for excessive periods of time to be…
Two sentiments I often hear parents tell their kids are: 1. “You’re so smart and capable of doing better, so when you show us that your grades have improved, you can have your phone back.” 2. “We need you to be more respectful and honest. When that starts happening, you can have more privileges again.”…
I often provide family therapy to adult children and their parents. This type of work can be incredibly powerful and healing for everyone involved. Years of pent up shame, anger and regret often get transformed into curiosity, empathy and significantly more connection across the generational divide. One thing I’m yet to hear adult children tell…
At this point, I’m going to guess that you’re feeling elated and hopeful or scared, anxious and/or concerned. Perhaps you’re somewhere in between or just apathetic. If you fall into the “I don’t know what to say or how to talk to my kids about this” category, here is a 4 step process that I…
Consider the following two teenagers. Carl is 17, gets mostly A’s, is on the varsity soccer and track teams, is loved by friends, teachers and other adults and generally stays out of trouble. Jessica is 15, gets mostly C’s and B’s, struggles with anxiety and depression, often starts things and doesn’t finish them and occasionally…
Teens are “rude”, “wild”, “irresponsible” and “failing to learn the values of honesty, respect and responsibility”. A national study from 1997 found that more than 70% of adults used those words to describe teens. I imagine you may feel this way about your kiddo at times, or often. While I understand the sentiment, I don’t…
“Taking things away doesn’t seem to help, but doing nothing doesn’t seem right either. I don’t know what to do and I’m starting to feel resentful.” I hear versions of this in my office almost daily. Most of the parents with teens that I talk to don’t want to be punitive, but letting things go…
Few things are more difficult for parents than watching their capable teen appear apathetic and disinterested in things that they should care about. I know it can be a helpless feeling but I’ve got a few suggestions that might help. Why Intelligent Teens Make Irrational Choices Thanks to recent advances in neuroscience, we now know…
