How To Help Your Teen Stay Safe On Line
By Yshai Boussi, L.P.C.
&
Mariah Lebwohl, L.C.S.W.
Technology is a current fact of life and is here to stay. While technology affects all of us, no one is more impacted by it than teens. For today’s adolescent technology is a significant part of their life and plays a vital role in the way they socialize and build relationships. As a parent, it’s important to embrace this reality, understand your child’s use of technology and develop an understanding of its importance in his or her life. Additionally, you can learn to see technology as an opportunity to connect and engage with your child in a new way. In this article, we will be focusing on Social Networking.
Social Networking
Social networking sites, online communities where people share thoughts, pictures, music and videos are a primary form of communication for today’s teens. MySpace and Facebook are the most frequently used sites, Twitter is growing in popularity, and many other specialty sites exist. The majority of teens use social networking sites to stay in touch with their friends and build new friendships with teens who share similar interests.
Many parents wonder what exactly their child is sharing online. It comes as a relief to most parents to learn that the vast majority of information shared is actually very boring. Most posts share the minute details of a teen’s life such as “I’m doing homework”, “listening to music” or “mad at my brother”. Other times posts veer into talking about the latest trends, gossip, news or current interests. Another draw these sites have for teens is the opportunity it gives them to express their individuality and creativity. Teens are able to download their favorite music, videos, and photos onto their homepage and share them with others.
Even when parents develop an understanding of what their teen is sharing, it is often difficult to understand why social networking is so important to teens and why they spend so much time doing it. It helps parents to think of social networking as the new version of hanging out at the mall. The difference is instead of hanging out in person, kids are connecting on line. Feeling connected to peers helps teens develop their identity and develop positive self esteem. Not allowing any access to social networking often leads to teens feeling isolated and angry. Many parents also wonder why teens need to be in contact so often. We often hear parents complain about their child’s need to connect with friends online almost immediately after getting home from school. The reality is that for today’s teens being current and in the moment is what matters and it is it important for parents to show that they understand and value their teen’s reality.
The Down Side of Social Networking: Bullying, Regrettable Content, & Sexual Predators
While there are many upsides to social networking, it is important that teens and parents be aware of the risks that come along with this form of communication. We are not focusing on these risks to scare you, but to provide you with the opportunity to have informed conversations about the most common down sides of social networking with your children. Teaching your child how to navigate social networking safely and responsibly will allow them to connect with friends while avoiding the potential negative aspects of the internet.
Cyber Bullying: Cyber bullying occurs when a person spreads rumors, make threats, torments, harasses, humiliates or embarrasses a child online. This form of bullying is especially damaging because it can be quickly spread to hundreds or even thousands of people and because of its anonymous nature is often more malicious then face to face bullying. Many teens are drawn to on-line bullying because of its impersonal nature, since it’s much easier to be hurtful from behind a screen than in person. Because of this it is important to not only have dialogue with your child about what to do if bullied, but how to not start or join in on the bullying of others.
Regrettable Content: Another downside to these sites relates to the ease and convenience of sharing information. Photos and videos can be posted in seconds. This can become problematic for adolescents who are generally impulsive and caught up in the moment. Many teens post pictures and videos of themselves that seem cool in the moment but may have lasting implications. In many teen circles it is popular to post pictures of themselves that are sexual in nature, involve drinking, or drug use. Most teens have no idea that employers and college admissions officers routinely look at social networking sites to gain a better understanding of an applicant. Teens have difficulty thinking about the future and have no consideration for the long term ramifications of these types of choices. It is important as parents to help your teen think about the variety of people who may look at their site and how the site could reflect the true personality of your child.
Sexual Predators: A very serious danger of social networking sites is that of sexual predators. These are the stories that most often make the news such as a forty year-old man posing as a teen to seduce innocent kids and ultimately hurt them. These types of stories are real and do happen, however they are very rare. You can protect your teen by teaching them the risks of dialoguing with people they do not know online, teaching them the risks of meeting someone they met online in person and having frequent conversations about internet safety.
What You Can Do:
Your child's desire to be online and connected provides an opportunity for you to strengthen your relationship, help them grow, and keep them safe. Here are a few suggestions:
- Keep the computer in a shared family space.
- Request that your child give you access to their page.
- Ask your child to help you set up your own Facebook or MySpace page and add yourself as your child’s friend.
- Talk to your child about the anonymity of the internet. When dialoging on the internet, you should always be aware that you may not be talking to the person you think you are talking to.
- Have conversations with your child about the amount of internet usage that is appropriate. Take into consideration your child’s ability to manage his or her time, family needs and family values about the amount of time spent using the computer to make decisions.
- Talk to your child about some of risks of social networking sites. You can share this article with them and ask them their thoughts.
- Respect the importance that your child’s site has for him and get to know his on-line friends just as you would his off-line friends.
- Remind your teen that anything he or she posts or sends is permanent as it may get forwarded and passed around to many people that they don’t know. You may want to share the following statistic: A study found that 75 percent of job recruiters used web searching as part of their applicant screening process. More and more college admissions officers are doing this as well.
As with any of the decisions your teen makes, there is no way you can guarantee that they will not make poor choices. It’s always helpful to be honest with yourself and your teen about this fact. By following these suggestions, you will be significantly lowering your child’s risk for getting caught up in any of the downsides that these social networking sites present.