When In Doubt, Keep It Simple

We’re all taking another step into unknown territory this Fall and every family is going to look a bit different. No matter what happens, the one certainty is uncertainty. So, it’s imperative that we manage our own anxiety about not fully knowing what to expect from our school, our kids, and even ourselves.

A guiding approach for me with parenting and life when I’m feeling overwhelmed is:

When in doubt, keep it simple.

For teens and kids, if they only do the following three things, I think they’ll be fine.

1. Get a normal sleep schedule/routine. The natural rhythm for most teens is somewhere between 11-1am till between 9 -11am. One great thing about this pandemic is teens being able to finally get more of the sleep that they need. Teen brains are 80% mature. The 20% still developing is the Prefrontal Cortex, the part responsible for reasoning and logic. Sleep is needed for the PFC to mature and grow effectively.

2. Get movement/exercise everyday. Our mind and body needs movement to feel good. The experience of trauma can be described as an immobility or feeling trapped. When our body doesn’t move in a meaningful way over time it can send a signal to our brain that there’s something wrong. The opposite happens when we do move.

3. Maintain social connection. Lastly, we require social connection to survive. It starts with family. Prioritize quality family time everyday where you focus on joy and fun that’s free of responsibilities, worries and phones. If you are living with a co-parent and you both are in chronic conflict, know that your child’s mental health depends on the two of you resolving that one way or another. Second, our kids need other adults in their lives. We may need to work harder and be more creative to make this happen. Finally, friends are of course important too. For many teens, gaming is an essential way to connect with friends. It’s important that we appreciate and support this. However they also need to connect with other faces. Let’s support social distancing, masks, and connecting over video chats along with creative ways of social distancing in person. It’s not ideal but they’ll be fine.

Social distancing and wearing masks is a social justice issue. It’s about tolerating our own discomfort to better the community. I know it’s really hard as a parent with teens to enforce this. Just do your best to set the expectation and they’ll have to make their own decision.

Sleep. Movement. Connection.

Of course, parenting is far from simple. Some of you are going through hard times with your kiddo. Perhaps they barely come out of their room or they can’t step away from their screens, or they’re belligerent and/or depressed. Perhaps you have a coparent that isn’t supportive. Take care of yourself first. Start with your own stress and anxiety management. All of us will need to expand our list of coping strategies considerably. Stay engaged and keep showing up. You got this.